I think it’s really important to be able to laugh at yourself – and this is what I’m doing right now as I sit here with a cup of tea looking back reminiscently at pregnant me just a mere 12 months ago making mental lists of everything I was going to do differently (and better) with baby number two.

This little guy was gonna be in control from day dot.
I felt experienced. I’d read all the books the first time round and felt much more relaxed about the whole thing. After being part of 2 amazing mothers’ groups I felt like we’d been through almost everything and all celebrated our little one’s first birthdays feeling very smug (if not a little dazed – kind of like that feeling you get when you’ve just got off a massive roller coaster that goes upside down a few times or just done a skydive)
So in my parent level expert state of mind these are the things that I remember thinking I would do with baby number two – who is now a strapping 8 month old which makes me a whole new level of expert and gives me that magical gift of the wisdom of hindsight:
The Birth. OK this is the one thing that I feel was a whole lot better than first time around. Not that my first birth was traumatic or particularly bad – it was a long labour that ended in a c-section which kind of left me feeling a bit robbed. During my first pregnancy I did so much preparation – birthing courses, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, hypnobirthing, chiropracty (is that a word?), massage, reading, yoga and probably more that I’ve already forgotten – and I suppose I had the luxury of lots of time back then. But I don’t think that having a toddler was my reason for doing nothing the second time around. I somehow felt I overprepared last time and the birth was nothing like I had planned or envisioned (although the outcome of course was perfect!) So in my odd logic I felt if I did nothing this time around I would get the VBAC that I so desired. It worked! Although some could say we were slightly underprepared. I had to be induced first time around at almost 2 weeks overdue and felt the second time that if I expected to give birth on my due date I would somehow jinx it and delay myself more. Is my superstitious nature becoming apparent to you yet?! I even told everyone that my due date was 2 weeks after my actual due date so I didn’t have to go through the agony of well meaning friends and family asking every day if anything was happening. (‘yes we had the baby yesterday – sorry I forgot to tell you it completely slipped my mind!) Anyway I ended up going into natural labour 5 days early and hadn’t even packed a hospital bag. I was still convinced I wasn’t in labour when we arrived at the hospital fully expecting to be sent home as happened first time round so when we were told I was 8 cm dilated it was a bit of a shock. A quick glance in the bag my hubbie had grabbed on the way out of the house revealed we had brought an ipod, a spare shirt for him and a torch. Useful. We didn’t even have a camera or a charged phone so the only birth photos we have are a couple of blurry ones the midwife took. My expert parent level has dropped considerably and we’ve not even left the hospital – things weren’t looking great for me!
Sleep. Hahahahahhahaha. Just writing the word makes me giggle a little deliriously. Our oldest boy was never what can be called a good sleeper – waking every night 2 or 3 times for almost a year (I wrote about my views on sleep here) but I was convinced that this time around I would fall into none of those same ‘bad’ sleep habit traps that first time parents are so prone to make in their simple naivety. HA! I think I have been even worse this second time round – doing absolutely whatever it takes to get the little one to sleep – especially in the first few months. First time round we had the luxury of an absolutely silent house when we needed it – this time there is always some crazy toddler noise coming from somewhere. For the first 3 months our new arrival slept in our bed right next to me – which I had never done with our first being far too terrified of rolling on him or him falling out. Maybe this came with experience but somehow I was less scared this time and found that sharing a bed was the best way for us all to get more sleep and for me to have enough energy to get through the day with 2 under 2. Although having never done it before I resorted to lots of google advice again and was soon convinced I would be sharing my bed until he was 15. He was actually 4 months when he decided enough was enough and got his own bed and now point blank refuses to sleep with us even when begged.
Photos. Despite getting off to a bad start with the photo thing I had vowed this time to be much more organised – especially when transferring photos to my computer. I am renowned for taking about 10 almost identical photos saying to myself I’ll pick the best one later and delete the others but then never being able to – seeing some slight cute difference in each one that made it impossible to get rid of. I still have about 4000 pictures to sort out from this year alone.
Chilling out. I was sure that this time I would be much more relaxed and laid back about everything (still basking in my aforementioned expert level parenting level). I have surely seen everything that a newborn can throw (or throw up) at me and having done it so recently it would all be fresh and clear. Not so. I got newborn induced amnesia and frequently turn into a blubbering idiot. I check that he is breathing many, many times when he’s asleep and press a glass up to each slight rash in case I need to get to the hospital immediately. I am possibly more neurotic this time as there are so many more perils out there to endanger a newbie with a tornado of a big brother looking out for him. My parent level has just returned to amateur and the smugness has been replaced by a slightly startled expression.
But as I sit here feeding my 8 month old tinned spaghetti from his brother’s plate I get to thinking that maybe I have nailed this last one after all.
What did you or do you plan to do with your second or more babies? I’d love to hear about them!
When i was reading your story it made me think of what i did I’m a mother of 3 and my first baby was a good baby then i had the second one and he was never a good sleeper i was so tired and he would sleep with me ever night and then the 3rd baby come he was 5 weeks early and I did things alot better he didn’t sleep with me until he got to about 3 month and things got so bad i had to take him to sleep school and it worked for me but now he is 2 years old he is sleeping with me again cos he is now in a bed and he can get out of his bed 3 kids are fun and crazy always on the go and no time for me work full time and try to get the kids out of the door before 830 in the morning is crazy Sometimes I wish kids come with a book to help me out a bit.
Thank you
All I can say is WOW this story is sooo similar to mine it’s crazy, emergency c at 7 days over due first time to natural barely making It to a delivery room the second! I struggled to breast feed the first and was sure I could do it the second but no such luck ? And sleep oh my gosh what is sleep please save me!!! Thank you for making me feel normal! ??
Um thank you! Sitting here enjoying 5 mins of quiet while hubby has toddler and feeling a little guilty about boobing my 2 week old to sleep. I pretty much can relate to everything on your post!
Well, I only got one child and she’s 8 months old now. I struggled A LOT with breastfeeding and aslo her sleep. She was diagnosed with tongue and lip ties at 4 months of age which apparently was the reason behind all our problems including breastfeeding, catnapping, reflux, too much wind, open mouth sleeping,……
So, for the next time I will book an IBCLC ( the Lactation consultant who recognised my baby’s oral ties) to be with me at my delivery day in the hospital and check my baby’s oral ties and I will get them released asap if there is any.
Also I try to not get so emotional about breastfeeding and focus on it’s benefits for baby’s health rather than crying for missing bonding with my baby as I already learned so much other ways to bond with them.
I worked on my baby’s sleep so much and the last thing I did was having an one on one session with a really good early childhood sleep consultant. For the second one I will do that sooner, before 4 months sleep regression.
By the way it’s been 2 weeks that my 8 months old sleeps through ( just wakes up for one feed) without anything like crying out!!
I also try to control myself more and not to spend a lot of money on baby’s expensive clothing ? ( not sure about this one ?)